wasn't meant for me

29th April 2009 wasn't a day for people like me... is it?

for 10 years, consecutively, speech day was the only day that i think was meant for me. why? because i have nothing, nothing but a quite-good result. that's it. the reasons why i want to get good result is just to be up on stage, receive applauses and get a prize or an award. these are the things that make me happy. i do have some cocurricular things but are not something worth to be bragged about. i have to admit that compliments are what make me. i like appreciation. who doesn't? 

but this year, i didn't feel what i have to feel like every past years. upon looking the award receipients list, i could sense something is not right. me, myself could feel that i was not qualified for that. i know i will be facing with unpleasant thing after this. 

in short, i didn't like that day so much this year. expressions on the face might not show anything, but intuition insisted that you're not that great. Whatever. I really wanted it and now I got it. so, what is left to be said? Gratefulness is necessary. Ya Allah, kuatkanlah iman ku~ amin~

just another post meant to be ignored~